Anxiety and chronic illness

So not my normal bubbly post, but I thought I would share something that probably not many of you would know. When I was ill, when my kidneys failed for the second time and I was on dialysis, particularly PD (peritoneal dialysis) I became particularly anxious. Now you may think yeh that’s probably normal but my anxiety got so bad that I felt like I couldn’t leave the house by myself without having a panic attack and needing to get back home. When I had panic attacks the only way I felt I could deal with them was to sleep them off! It was probably one of the worst things about having a chronic illness, I could deal with the pain and feeling unwell and the vomiting every day but the mental health side was the hardest because many people would think because I didn’t look ill (I really did), that meant they didn’t always understand why I behaved in a certain way or couldn’t stay out or seemed to be fidgety (which I learnt was a sign that I was about to have a panic attack). I remember telling people that I felt unwell (which I did) rather than say I felt anxious because it was easier!

I remember going out with friends for lunch and I got a lift to the place and as soon as I got there I felt very twitchy and tearful. It was hard to stop myself from running to the bathroom and bursting into tears! I left early so I could get back home and sleep it off! I definitely found it tough and I remember ringing my mum and saying how difficult I was finding it and that I was scared to leave the house and I was just in floods of tears and inconsolable. I remember just being in total despair in that moment. 

Fast forward to today, 18 months after my transplant,and I have to say my anxiety has almost gone. I do struggle with a few things like driving our manual car, especially at busy times because I’m petrified of stalling it but the more I drive it the more I get used to it I suppose. I do want an automatic next though. I also struggle with busier places sometimes but I think it’s because I’m so used to our slower pace of life  down in Dorset! Dealing with anxiety isn’t talked about enough and I didn’t even realise I felt anxious until after I had had my transplant. 

I hope that this may help others to talk about it and not feel awkward about talking about it. I spoke to my Renal Counsellor a lot about many different topics and I think talking to her really helped too! I definitely feel this is helpful and I also would use other tricks like sewing to relieve the anxiety or have a bath or a nice cup of tea. I think working on mindfulness techniques also helps transfer the anxiety to a more positive outlet. These are just how I coped but talk to your GP, go to Mind, the charity to get help and advice.

Don’t struggle on your own! 

Any way toodlesXX